Why Politicians Should Never Eat Corn Dogs in Public

 I’m from Michigan, and last time I checked, it’s still a part of the   Midwest.

There is a prank we Midwesterners play on politicians coming to visit our part of the country, and at risk of giving it all away, I need to talk to you Americans who haven’t been privy to our private joke.

Corndogs.

Whenever politicians show up to convince us that they are vote-worthy, we play

The Corndog Card.

At risk of being expelled from my status as a natural-born Midwesterner, I have to warn those unsuspecting Northeasterners and those Lone Texans who have the ego to venture to Iowa or the rest of God’s Country for a political event.

We’re going to ask you to eat a corndog.  Standing in the back of the room, and out of your line of sight, will be an amazing group of aspiring Papparazzi.  They may be from Ames, Iowa, or they may have come all the way from Davenport, but they are there for one purpose:

The Corndog Shot.

There is nothing less dignified than a photograph of a male or female politician wrapping their lips around a long brown fried object that resembles a penis.

You would think that with all of those highly paid political advisors that contain the wisdom to make their candidate win, that the Corndog Shot would be passed by in favor of other more flattering images.

Like kissing babies.

Or hugging Grannies.

Or how about, sitting in a room of kittens.

…Anything but eating a dang corndog.

Whenever I see the pandering photos of Bachmann or Perry or Romney or Gingrich, and believe me, I’m collecting blackmail images that would blow your mind… I chuckle.  The Midwestern private joke will carry a huge segment of middle America on election day, and it has nothing to do with their position on the issues.

It’s corndogs in 2012.

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