Translating Politics

When politicians say:  ”We need a balanced budget.”

They really mean:  ”China is offering great deals on loans to cover our deficit spending.  No worries.”

 

When politicians say:  “We need to address the budget deficit.”

They really mean:  “We will put off the decision to cut spending until after I leave office.”

 

When politicians say:  “We need to avert the looming fiscal crisis.”

They really mean:  “Someone else needs to deal with the fiscal crisis, so I can get re-elected.”

 

When politicians say:  “We can’t afford to go off the fiscal cliff.”

They really mean:  “I can’t decide whether to turn right or left, so I hope the landing will be soft.”

 

When politicians say:  “We need to stop partisan bickering.”

They really mean:  “All I did to get elected was partisan bickering.  Don’t expect me to stop now.”

 

When politicians say:  “The Democrats have created this crisis,”

They really mean:  ”I blame all of our woes on the Democrats so I won’t need to make a decision that may prove to be unpopular.”

 

When politicians say:  “The Republicans have created this crisis.”

They really mean:  “I blame all of our woes on the Republicans so I won’t need to make a decision that will prove to be unpopular.”

 

When politicians say:  “We don’t want to end up like Greece.”

They really mean:  “I would retire at 52 on a full government pension if I could get away with it.”

 

When politicians say:  “We have averted the fiscal crisis.”

They really mean:  “We have put off the solving of the fiscal crisis until after my term in office.”

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